CWell this is it Logan! The last day you will be one.. You're sound asleep in my lap right now and I'm so glad you still like to curl up on me and sleep.
Almost twelve years ago I was preparing things for Devin's two year birthday.. Wrapping the presents, getting his outfit ready, a brand new airplane shirt. I took his picture with his new trains and track. Tomorrow, I'll get you dressed and take a picture of you with your new trains. You know what means? That I've blessed so much more than I ever deserved. One feeling that keeps nagging at me is to soak up all these moments with you now because they will end sooner than I want.. I'd love to have a do over with Devin. Not to change anything, just to have one more chance to enjoy it. I didn't know how much it would hurt later that I couldn't remember the last time he ran to me, jumped in my arms, kissed me, called me mommy.. I didn't realize how quickly that would end, he's a young man now. So I try so hard to keep a good record with you, to refresh my memory, so I'll never forget. You're already fighting for independence, you'll push me or daddy away to get things yourself. You're so big now, so strong, you're struggling with speaking but you have no problem communicating what you and when. You're very determined, stubborn in the best way. Your doctors appointments are more of a struggle now as you will yank down your shirt and push their hands away when they try to press on your belly. I try to get you to cooperate while smiling on the inside at that fight you have.. You and I are rarely separated, while you're used to seeing daddy leave for work, if I say I'm leaving you just smile and shake your head like "yeah right" You give the best kisses, you have such a great smile, really and truly you're a joy to be around.
There were times when your father and I didn't know if you'd make it to two. Would you be home? In a hospital? Need a transplant? Have a transplant? When you were two months old, we had no idea what two years would look like, where we would be.. But here we are, with a strong, confident, loving, inspiring little boy. I pray every night for your health and happiness, and Devin's of course but I also pray now for ALL of you, all those kids out there, fighting a disease, trying so hard to make it. You fight every day, you struggle, you're in pain, you're still always smiling. Always happy. Sometimes I think if I pray hard enough or just will it hard enough, you'll be just fine but then sometimes I look at you and know you will be just fine because you won't ever stop fighting. You're such an inspiration to me and your dad, you keep us smiling when it's hard, you encourage us to stay positive without saying a word.
Logan, I love you so much son. There's no way to put it into words, a mother's love. You're my sweet boy, my sidekick, my little bestie No matter what ever happens in our lives, that can't and won't ever change. I'll always be here to take care of you, to support you, to push you, I'll keep you as safe as I possibly can. Without being overbearing and crazy, you know? Keep being the perfect, beautiful person that you are, keep that smile, that strength, that spirit, that fight! You'll need that more than most people do, keep being stubborn, keep getting mad at the doctors and nurses if you need to, I'd be mad too but baby we're all just trying to keep you healthy. I've cried countless tears for other kids with BA, I've seen too many of them die way too soon. I don't think I could ever handle losing you, so you fight, we'll fight and we'll trust in God's plan for the rest of it.
Happy 2nd Birthday my love!!! Can't wait to continue the adventure with you!
Almost twelve years ago I was preparing things for Devin's two year birthday.. Wrapping the presents, getting his outfit ready, a brand new airplane shirt. I took his picture with his new trains and track. Tomorrow, I'll get you dressed and take a picture of you with your new trains. You know what means? That I've blessed so much more than I ever deserved. One feeling that keeps nagging at me is to soak up all these moments with you now because they will end sooner than I want.. I'd love to have a do over with Devin. Not to change anything, just to have one more chance to enjoy it. I didn't know how much it would hurt later that I couldn't remember the last time he ran to me, jumped in my arms, kissed me, called me mommy.. I didn't realize how quickly that would end, he's a young man now. So I try so hard to keep a good record with you, to refresh my memory, so I'll never forget. You're already fighting for independence, you'll push me or daddy away to get things yourself. You're so big now, so strong, you're struggling with speaking but you have no problem communicating what you and when. You're very determined, stubborn in the best way. Your doctors appointments are more of a struggle now as you will yank down your shirt and push their hands away when they try to press on your belly. I try to get you to cooperate while smiling on the inside at that fight you have.. You and I are rarely separated, while you're used to seeing daddy leave for work, if I say I'm leaving you just smile and shake your head like "yeah right" You give the best kisses, you have such a great smile, really and truly you're a joy to be around.
There were times when your father and I didn't know if you'd make it to two. Would you be home? In a hospital? Need a transplant? Have a transplant? When you were two months old, we had no idea what two years would look like, where we would be.. But here we are, with a strong, confident, loving, inspiring little boy. I pray every night for your health and happiness, and Devin's of course but I also pray now for ALL of you, all those kids out there, fighting a disease, trying so hard to make it. You fight every day, you struggle, you're in pain, you're still always smiling. Always happy. Sometimes I think if I pray hard enough or just will it hard enough, you'll be just fine but then sometimes I look at you and know you will be just fine because you won't ever stop fighting. You're such an inspiration to me and your dad, you keep us smiling when it's hard, you encourage us to stay positive without saying a word.
Logan, I love you so much son. There's no way to put it into words, a mother's love. You're my sweet boy, my sidekick, my little bestie No matter what ever happens in our lives, that can't and won't ever change. I'll always be here to take care of you, to support you, to push you, I'll keep you as safe as I possibly can. Without being overbearing and crazy, you know? Keep being the perfect, beautiful person that you are, keep that smile, that strength, that spirit, that fight! You'll need that more than most people do, keep being stubborn, keep getting mad at the doctors and nurses if you need to, I'd be mad too but baby we're all just trying to keep you healthy. I've cried countless tears for other kids with BA, I've seen too many of them die way too soon. I don't think I could ever handle losing you, so you fight, we'll fight and we'll trust in God's plan for the rest of it.
Happy 2nd Birthday my love!!! Can't wait to continue the adventure with you!